So what were Daniel Sturridge and Danny Welbeck talking about?
What state secrets were so monumentally important that two upstart Chelsea and Man Utd footballers couldn't possibly let the public see?
|by This Time Next Year||February, 5th 2012||
Above: Daniel Sturridge had something massive to tell Danny Welbeck
There is a disturbing trend in modern football where players cover their mouths when talking to each other.
Aware their every move is being tracked by TV cameras, they deliberately put their hands in front of their faces like self-important toddlers to prevent anyone seeing what they are saying.
Which brings us to Daniel Sturridge and Danny Welbeck in the Chelsea v Manchester United clash this afternoon.
At half time, with Chelsea leading 1-0, the two young England strikers walked off the pitch together.
Sturridge turned to Welbeck, started talking, and suddenly, with a look of horror in his eye, stopped dead in his tracks.
Then - no doubt much to the delight of some over-paranoid public relations cretin in a 'media department' somewhere - he followed his training, covered his mouth and was then free to safely reveal all to an enraptured Welbeck.
The most depressing thing is that Welbeck than reciprocated this idiotic performance, so we had little option but to watch these two twerps having a 'hidden' conversation live on television.
Quite what these two, with a combined age of 43, know that is so devastatingly significant the British public should be barred from seeing it is beyond me.
Maybe they were discussing their private theories on the limitations on the Higgs boson within the Minimal Supersymmetric Standard Model.
Perhaps Sturridge was revealing that he had seen strange, alternative, primitive, female life forms during his loan spell at Bolton.
Could they have been exchanging some information about an ongoing court case that is sub judice and simply too sensitive for jurors to see?
Or maybe, in this sick age of pampered teenage footballers, they were saying absolutely nothing at all of any interest to anyone - and just assumed we all care.
For the record, boys, we don't.